Seventh Heaven Ladies Night
by Carter-Shiraz
Summary: The girls decide to host a special ladies night at the bar to blow off some steam. However this turns into little more than a mudslinging contest with each other and several other final fantasy females. Rated M for language


_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ Hey guys and welcome to my fic! I decided to do this fic for the simple reason that I needed to distract myself. I honestly just wanted to do something funny actually.

Just a quick note about the story. The amount of profanity in this fic is staggering. There are lots and lots of sexual references and

"Yuffie, bitch, how many times do I have to tell you to keep your filthy paws of my stash," Tifa Lockhart said irritably, as she walked towards the bar.

Anyone who said that Tifa maintained a spotless establishment with a lot of love rubbed into every little twig on the wooden tables and chairs would be told that they were not just wrong, but stupid just like their mom. Tifa maintained that only elbow grease could keep a usually filthy place like a bar clean.

Marching over, Tifa angrily snatched a bottle of Junon Red out of Yuffie Kisaragi's hand. "Bitch, for fucks sake, I turn my back for two minutes and your ass is already drinking all my stock! How the fuck am I supposed to make any money in this bitch if you keep drinking up all my profits?!"

"Baby, please dont kid yourself," Yuffie replied, swaying slightly on her stool. "I wouldn't pay two gil for that shit!"

"Well that doesn't seem to be much of a problem," Tifa said, eyeing the bottle which was already half empty.

"So I had a sip or two? Sue me, bitch!"

"Believe me, I would if this fucking dump made any money," Tifa said with a sigh. "Nah, your drunk ass just ain't worth my time!"

"Speaking of which, where your drunk assed boyfriend at," Yuffie asked, reaching beneath the bar and extracting another bottle.

"Gone," Tifa replied, taking a swig of the bottle she had confiscated.

"Damn, bitch! You can't even keep a man like Cloud? The fuck is wrong with you?"

"Listen, dingbat! I can keep a man okay? The only reason the boy ain't here is because I put his spike-headed ass out!" Tifa snapped.

Yuffie yawned and stretched her arms, unaware of the contents of her bottle spilling onto Tifa's gleaming floor. "You put out Denzel and Marlene too?"

"Of course not, bitch!" Tifa said, clutching at her heart. "I would _never_ put my fucking children out of the house! The hell do you take me for?"

"A heartless bitch really," Yuffie said simply.

Tifa was saved from answering by a tinkle from the front door.

"Give me something hard, bitches," Elena said, collapsing into a chair. "I have had one seriously fucked up day!"

"Who the fuck invited you, bitch?" Tifa asked.

"Free country, motherfucker," Elena shot back.

"Yeah, but this is my motherfucking property, hoe!" Tifa snapped, hands on hips. "Besides are you blind or some shit? Didn't you see the sign on the door?"

Elena managed to pull her face off the bar long enough to look back at the door.

 **SEVENTH HEAVEN LADIES NIGHT**

 **BITCHES ONLY**

Tifa waited a full minute before she continued. "See, so you can take your flat-chested, suit-wearing, blonde ass out and get out!"

"Well I'm sorry. But not every bitch got enough time in the morning to stuff three pairs of socks into each cup of her bra," Elena snarled in response.

"Now, now. Lets not be getting nasty, bitches,", a voice said, a laugh almost visible.

Tifa slapped her forehead. "Oh damn, I know that fucking voice."

Elena squinted her eyes at the aparition that had appeared in the stool next to her. "Ain't you that hoe that was selling flowers back in the day!"

"Selling flowers?" Yuffie scoffed. "Everybody and I mean everbody knew she was selling more than just flowers. No wonder Tseng liked her so much!"

"Aren't you like, fucking dead?" Elena asked.

"Your point being?" Aerith replied pleasantly, hopping down into a nearby seat.

"Look, Aerith, sweetheart," Tifa fought to keep her voice calm. "For a dead bitch you sure seem to crop up way too often. I'm being serious when I say you starting to get on my goddamn nerves. So how about you take your skinny, zombified little ass and fuck off back into the afterlife!"

"Bitch, you just jealous!" Aerith said, absently tossing her long braid over her shoulder. "I mean they then fucking killed me less than halfway through the game and I still been back for every goddamn sequel, prequel and spin off since. That, bitch, is what you call staying power!"

"Can somebody please call the delusional police," Yuffie snapped, rolling her eyes and digging under the bar for another drink. "Everybody keep going on about you two bitches on every forum and fucking fansite in existence. But we all know that I am the true leading lady of the game!"

"Bitch, the only leading lady you'll ever be is in some cheap, fanimated porno," Tifa retorted.

"Can I get a motherfucking drink in here already?" Elena banged her fist on the table. "Seriously, I did not come here to listen to you bitches argue!"

"Well then, you can just prance your skinny ass outta here bitch, because you ain't even part of this. You ain't even manage to make it to playable character level," Yuffie shot back. "They even forgot about you in the movie. Only got remembered right at the end for like two and half frames."

"Says the bitch that half the gaming community didn't even know existed until the internet," Aerith quipped, seizing the bottle directly out of the young girl's hand.

"Fuck you, bitch! I was a 'secret playable character'. Does your bitch ass even know what that means?"

"Can your bitch ass even spell that shit?"

"Listen, both you bitches just shut the hell up!" Tifa said, throwing her hands up. "I'm expecting a huge crowd in tonight. And with that good for nothing punk drinking up all the profits, I cannot afford any shit tonight. You bitches understand?"

"Maybe you should stop yammering about your weak ass predicament, and start using the goods." Aerith suggested, grabbing her own bottle.

"What the fuck are you talking about, bitch?"

"I mean, Tifa, hun, you got yourself some huge ass titties, im sure shitloads of men wpuld die to have a taste of them. And even if you consider that shit beneath you, you could always just invest in a fucking pole or something," Aerith continued.

"How the fuck do you know that?" Elena asked.

"Bitch, I grew up in the hood," Aerith explained. "Girl's gotta eat, you know what I'm saying?"

"My thing is, it's not like Tifa dont show that shit off anyways. I mean, girl, your battle suit is more revealing than a stripper get up!" Yuffie piped up.

"Not to mention the way them titties jiggle everytime sshe tries fighting," Elena added.

"Now listen here bitches," Tifa fumed, quite out of patience by this stage. "For the first, five or six or seven years of gaming, girls were made up of these weak, cartoon looking drawings. So if I wanna show my 3D model off in a mini skirt and tank top. I'm gonna fucking show it. You bitches got a problem with that?"

"Only when it makes the rest of us look minimal," Yuffie complained.

"Speak for yourself, hoe." Aerith interrupted. "I mean, I was fully fucking clothed and boys were still jacking off at me!"

"That's just because they felt sorry for your ass!" Elena wailed.

"Elena, in case you haven't been paying attention, this spot is reserved for relevant bitches only," Aerith replied, pushing her palm in Elena's face.

The door tinkled.

"Looks like we got company," Yuffie said, turning on her stool to look.

The new arrival strode in and sat herself down at the bar, sweeping her long blue duster ou behind her. "Can I get something hard?"

"Who the fuck is this?" Elena asked.

"Nah, I know this bitch," Aerith supplied. "She that Rinoa hoe, Rin-hoe-a. She came in the game after us!"

"Well in that case you can just turn that little ass around and walk out, because you underaged, bitch. And I ain't losing my motherfucking liquor license because of your fat ass."

"Bitch, your face is fucked," Rinoa replied. "I came here to get wasted, but it looks like I'm at the wrong place because all you bitches are weak!"

Aerith gave a fake laugh. "I know this little shit ain't come up in here amd call me weak!"

"The fuck do you know, bitch?" Tifa replied. "I'm so strong I threw my man so hard he and his damn sword broke the motherfucking sound barrier!"

"Now, now, Tifa bitch," Yuffie interrupted, laughing. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves!"

"Bitch, we all know that shit was phony!" Elena added.

"Fuck both of y'all," Tifa snapped. "At the very least I can handle myself against two of those weak stone lizards."

"Bitch, you are so ignorant it ain't even funny," Rinoa said, tossing her hair. "I could've taken care of those bastards no problem, but I decided to give my man the spotlight."

"You see that's the reason boys always think they better than us," Aerith sighed. "It's because dumbass bitches like you always gotta go and play the damsel in distress!"

"Aerith, please stop talking," Elena said. "We all know you just mad because that was your thing. I mean with the fucking barrels in the church amd shit!"

"See now that's the difference," Rinoa agreed. "I got myself outta tight spots if I needed to. You then took the fucking thing to far and got yourself killed!"

"It didn't end up making any difference," Aerith said, unconcerned. "As previously stated, I still came back for a whole lot of shit. Can you the say the same? Bitch, you still alive and you made like two appearances outside your game!"

The door tinkled again.

"I hope this ain't another whiny bitch, because I've had just about all I can handle for one day," Tifa sighed.

 _ **X X X**_

 _ **AUTHOR'S NOTE:**_ who's at the door. Find out next time! Review!


End file.
